Projection

‘Critical, me?’  I’m confused, where did that come from?  I wasn’t even upset.  Can you even see me?

But she feels judged.  So?  Fuck that!  Two days of scrutinising and criticism, and I’m critical?!
‘You don’t give your kids enough space, you’re too controlling.  Their breakfast is insufficient.  Your writing is impersonal and the language fluffy, it’s not real.  You aren’t letting people do what they want and you’re not accepting help.’   And so on, and so on…  And I’m critical.  Hmm...  Not smiling on the inside so much anymore.

And of course, she couldn’t actually be right about me, could she?  And as my lawyer sister would say: ‘true, but irrelevant’.  And in this case, I agree; it is truly irrelevant…
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I said to her the day before: ‘you are very defensive, you know.’ 
‘I know’, she said with a smile, much to my surprise.
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Days later, she is long gone, and boy, how feathers are ruffled.  There seems no time limit on the hurt and anger of perceived injustice.  And then, as if the world has gone mad, fights and accusations flare as everyone has a grievance.  So it continues, criticism and defensiveness feeding on each other in a meaningless cycle of sad negativity, projected randomly in all directions, often hurting those we love most.

But even the darkest and heaviest of clouds lighten up and dissipate eventually.  What needs to be seen is always there waiting for truth to bring it to light: 
Projection is pain, it occurs to me.

Why do you criticise and blame?  Do you not see how beautiful you are?  This anger, born of original pain.  What lie did they tell about you?  A lie in your innocence you believed long ago, the pain of which you still carry with you today.
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As the words played in my mind, I felt my being wash with emotion, deep sadness and love for her, for the child I once was, for my son, and others I have known through time.

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